I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
