Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
