I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
