I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
