He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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