I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
