is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
