Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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