Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
