if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
