I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
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