My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
