I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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