She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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