a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
