Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
