it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
