When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
