I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
