nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
