my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
