if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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