in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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