So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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