i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
