just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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