considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
