I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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