Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
