She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
