I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
