this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
