I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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