We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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