I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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