he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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