I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I need to calm my uterus...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
