no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
