just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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