I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
