His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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