Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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