Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
