I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
