Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
