just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
