can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize