I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
