Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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