I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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