ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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