just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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