forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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