Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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