So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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