hotel room ftw
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
