I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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