Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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