cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
