He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
