So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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