That's intense
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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