i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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