I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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