I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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