went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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