he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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