So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
