What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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