Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
