I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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