Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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